The Unabridged Constitution

The Unrepentant Individual has discovered that many of us have been using an abridged Constitution, which has lead to confusion. He presents to us parts of the The Unabridged Version:

Amendment 1.5: Nothing in the preceding text is construed to protect the speech of citizens regarding their elected officials within 60 days of an election. Further, any speech considered in any way offensive to members of non-protected classes (i.e. everyone except white males) is not protected. Last, the prohibitions of promoting the “establishment” of religion refers to “the Establishment,” i.e. “the Man.” Since the recognized Establishment (i.e. “the Man”) in this country is Christian, only the Christian religion is prohibited in public matters.

That explains a lot. Here I was thinking that political speech was sacrosanct!

Amendment 4.5: All people enjoy a right to privacy. However, this privacy only applies to what is done within ones own uterus. One has no enjoyment of privacy with the substances one may consume. One does not enjoy a “right” to smoke tobacco, in public or private. Private thoughts deemed offensive to members of protected classes are similarly not acceptable, and can be prosecuted as “hate crimes” if necessary. In fact, all activities outside of abortion are not considered private, and are thus subject to the regulation of Government.

I wonder if this non-right of privacy is where the expanded commerce clause came from.

Amendment 5.5: As with Amendment 4.5, “private property” is legitimately the domain of Government to control its use and seize if necessary. Any requirement of “public use” simply means whatever the Congress, state Legislature, or local Government wish it to mean.

Finally, the fount from whence the gun and drug laws truly spring:

Amendment 9.5: “The people” shall be held to mean Congress, the elected representatives of the people. The enumeration of powers in the Constitution is not intended as a limit on powers of the Congress.
Amendment 10.5: As with Amendment 9.5, any rights not expressly granted to the United States is held to exist within the States or the Congress, with deference always given to the wishes of the Congress.

I'm glad Brad found these items for us. Now we need to figure out when they were added to the Constitution. Clearly they didn't sneak in after the Civil War (like when West Virginia was created without a quorum in Congress), so I'm starting to think they were part of the end of Prohibition.

He didn't quote one other half-Amendment, but I managed to find a source that prefers not to be quoted.

Amendment 2.5: Also, the right to keep and bear legs shall not be infringed. In fact, if you live in Oregon, public sex acts in private clubs are protected as well. By the way, “arms” should not be construed to mean any weapon that is useful for self-defense or in opposition to tyranny.

Doesn't that explain a lot?

Josh Poulson

Posted Saturday, Oct 22 2005 10:58 AM

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